Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Violence and me, the sequel

These have less to do with violence and more to do with my morbid imagination and pessimism:

1) Each year we get a Christmas present for our choir teacher. This year we are flying out her father from Wales to spend the holiday with her. But I was imagining what would happen if the plane crashed. "Merry Christmas, Sister Hall! We don't think you've ever gotten a present like this before!"

2) Walking to campus last week, I started choking on the sandwich I was eating. There wasn't anyone around, and it made me think about how depressing it would be to die by choking on PB&J. How unpoetic is that? I think that I'd much rather be hit by a bus or be attacked by rabid butterflies. Or at least by choking on a more classy type of sandwich. (Ham and cheese maybe.)

3) Walking to campus last week on a different day, I saw a girl sitting by the duck pond on a rock looking very pensive and a little sad. I then had the overwhelming urge to run up and push her into the pond. Can you imagine being a little sad because your boyfriend had just broken up with you earlier that week, so you decided to find comfort in being one with nature for a moment? And maybe it was starting to work, at least until some random jerk that you don't even know bowled you into a gross pond? And then he ran away? It certainly wouldn't be an experience you'd soon forget.

And I sort of think that it is my calling in life to make sure that other people have interesting stories to tell their grandchildren 60 years from now.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


So for FHE yesterday, my group made "Turkey Hands," and we wrote around the outside of the turkey things that we were thankful for. It isn't so hard. I started writing things here and there (The Gospel, my family, my school, Red Vines, etc.) and thought I was making good progress.

That is, until I noticed that everyone else was hardly stopping to breathe as they wrote. They seemed to get two for every one that I had written. So I started writing more (my roommates, Mathematica, breaks from school, warm blankets, etc.) But try as I might, I just couldn't keep up with the rest of them. So now they are all posted on our door and some of the turkey papers are so full that there is hardly any negative space; mine just has a pleasant splattering of blessings.

I was worried at first that perhaps I was less thankful than everyone else in my group. I was wandering around concerned today when I realized something: maybe I don't sit around being grateful for birds and red bricks and lined paper and other things, but I don't really go around complaining about things either. I think that it is OK to feel less thankful if you feel less needy.

As long as your thanks outweigh your requests, I think you are just fine.

Monday, November 24, 2008

I love animals

I love to eat them.

Actually, that is not even really true. I don't really like the taste of most meat and was a vegetarian for about a month once.

In any case, I wrote this song for the ward talent show last week. It's not quite where I'd like it yet since I threw it together the day I performed it, but it was well received. Special thanks to MLH who came up the chorus which inspired the rest.

This song is to the tune of "Feed the birds" in Mary Poppins.

Early each day at the steps of our hill
The BYU students walk by,
And they all look so happy. That is, just until
the bird droppings fall from the sky.

So here's a solution to try, if you dare,
But you'll be glad if you do.
To protect your clean clothing and your well-groomed hair
All it takes is this effort from you:

Squeeze the birds, tuppence a grab.
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a grab.
Squeeze the birds, that's what I cry
While overhead the birds fill the sky.

From the trees of our campus, the birds are all watching,
We walk around unaware.
Although we can't see it, they're aiming the droppings
to cover your cars and your hair.

Though my words are simple and few,
Listen, listen. I'm begging with you:
Squeeze the birds, tuppence a grab.
Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a grab.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I don't get it

So I just learned that eHarmony (an online dating company) was sued for not offer same-sex dating services on their website, and that they settled today for a ton a cash and the agreement to launch a same-sex version of their website.

I'm all for not discriminating, but I think it odd that businesses are being told what goods they have to sell. It seems a little bit to me like suing McDonald's because they don't sell hotdogs. Or perhaps a little more like suing cattle ranchers for not selling vegetarian options.

Some people may say that it different because in this case they are refusing to serve a certain segment of the population just because they are gay.

But that just isn't true. A date with a man and a date with a woman are very different things. If a company finds a niche market that they manage to make profitable, I think it strange that the government would show up and tell them that because they are offering a certain good, they also have to offer other good that they maybe deem unprofitable.

If anyone can think of a reason why this whole set-up isn't really weird, let me know.